Learning from our Past
When we are faced with transition we are standing at a crossroads. Where we have already walked, what surrounds us now, and looking ahead down an untrodden way. Life’s transitions have an element of the past, present and future. The past is the path that has already been walked. This include previous experience, both positive and negative, strengths and beliefs. The present crossroads is the context of decision making, values and priorities. The future is the unknown path which requires change, holds possibilities and perhaps fear.
If you think about the shape of a crossroads there is a path behind you that you have walked on, and three paths ahead of you. As there are more possible paths than previous paths it is normal to feel overwhelm at the thought of the future. We may be nervous at the thought of the unknown and feel comforted by the known. And that’s OK! Use this deep human need to have certainty to dig deeper into the past elements that will inform a wise decision. At the heart of a good decision is the importance of reflecting on the past’s valuable experience. Although coaching may be seen as focused on the future, attaining to what is possible, there is a significant element of reflecting on the past too. This is for the purpose of learning. One of my coaching tutors said (to my surprise) that the goal is not the most important aspect of coaching – but learning is. Not taking into account the past sets you up for poor decision making. To move forwards with confidence from the crossroads requires firstly the skill of digging into previous experiences that relate to the current context.
Due to our natural inclination to focus on the difficulties because we want to understand how to avoid them in the future, people tend to think of past experience as failures or mistakes. This can mean that we are reluctant to spend time examining the past because we want to avoid pain. However, we can train ourselves to look at all previous experience as learning, whether positive or negative. Success can be redefined as learning, growing, understanding, and adapting. What went well? What didn’t? What does that mean for me? What do I learn from this? These are all questions that serve us well when standing at the crossroads of decision. Although we may want to avoid the pain of examining the past, it is often true that when we avoid a little self-examination we are setting ourselves up for more pain. If we are unwilling to look at the past, then we cannot learn from it and will repeat mistakes.
Read the Signs
Another important reason for looking at our previous path is to simply observe ourselves. What can we learn from our habits and behaviours? What does this reveal about what we truly want or what we are protecting ourselves from? We would not embark on a journey to a place we had not been before without taking into account direction signs. We need some guidance. Similarly, it is unwise to move forwards at a crossroads without regard to signs that tell us something about our preferences, our experiences and our weaknesses.
Spending time reflecting on the past is not all about what went wrong either. I also look out for the client’s strengths and successes to reveal resilience that brings the known into the unknown. Moving forwards from a crossroads requires an understanding of what you are confident in, what you are good at, what has previously gone well and where your strengths lie. Recalling how you rose to a previous challenge will empower and affirm that you can do it again! Moving into the unknown can make us hesitate, but there is so much that can be known if we are willing to use the past as our friend and guide. We can move forward with more confidence when we have been thorough and clear with what we do know (which comes from our learning)to support what it is that we don’t know (the particular circumstances of the future path).
In the end it is a choice to embrace the opportunity to discover more about ourselves, and how it informs our future. Taking the time to do so, by pausing at the crossroads in the end saves you time and adds value to your journey.
Transformational Questions:
- What strengths demonstrate that you have handled something similar before?
- What from previous experience can serve you well here?
- What is a belief about yourself that will support you?
- What am I learning about what I observe?
My Standing at the Crossroads coaching package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover elements of good decision making and recognise hurdles to your destination. Coaching can bring your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
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If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
