Welcome to my new look newsletter! My Standing at the Crossroads blog remains the same although if you receive it via email it will look a bit different from now on. A new opportunity came my way with an updated website and so my newsletter gets a makeover. So while the content will remain the same as I continue to walk my transformational journey, the look has changed! It has got me thinking about a couple of things.
Certainty and Change
I have written before about the human need for certainty which brings us clarity and comfort. Knowing what is ahead is ultimately restful and biologically means we save energy because our brains need to do less work. Our bodies are also wired for comfort, so we look for ways (knowingly and unknowingly) to ease the journey and take the most cost-effective path. So even with something as ‘insignificant’ as a changed-look newsletter, I have been interested to note some responses I am having. I have to learn a new way of producing it. That requires work. It requires putting aside my discomfort with fear of failure or feeling incompetent. So even though from the outside, improvement looks good, sometimes from the inside it can feel uncomfortable and we are not sure why. This is where the phrase ‘Better the devil you know’ comes from. Too often we are prepared to tolerate what we don’t want because it takes less energy to change. It can be as simple as this. Change requires our engagement, our effort, our action. We decide whether we are willing to pay the cost of the energy, the fuel of transformation.
The tunnel is temporary
To help us make this decision, when we are facing a change or experiencing a shift, it is really important to look ahead to the benefits of the change. Sometimes we have to go through a long dark tunnel before we reach the light. The change often does not feel good at the time. We look into the darkness of the tunnel and decide we do not want to walk into it. We make the decision to stay where we are based on not wanting to get into the tunnel of effort and discomfort. It is necessary to hold on to the understanding of why we are changing. We need to look ahead to the end of the tunnel to see the new landscape, the desired experience and tell ourselves that the tunnel is temporary. It is a means to an end. The discomfort of the unfamiliar will give way to the joy of the benefits of the change.
Sometimes we need support of fellow travellers because even though change will mean something good, we like the familiar and we can be our own worst enemies in our resistance to aspects of change. That is one of the things I love about the power of coaching. A coach is in essence a fellow traveller who can remind you of the reasons you are in the ‘tunnel’ and encourage you forward towards a different future.
Taking a New Look
The second aspect that got me thinking is the many advantages of taking a new look. Because we are wired to enjoy the familiar because of its soothing quality, we can fall into the rut of only looking at our situation one way. Sometimes there can be no problem with this. The rub comes however, when we begin to feel restless and no longer enjoy or get the best out of our context. Our experience, our personality, our wounds, our strengths and our character all contribute to how we look at the world. Taking a new look, or put it another way, taking a look from a different perspective will give us new avenues, new possibilities that bring energy and focus when we are open to a new way of looking.
Coaching, in particular, offers the opportunity for the client to take a new look. How often do you give yourself the chance to take a break, gather your thoughts and deeply think through the important areas of your life? It is not a luxury. It is a necessity if you are committed to making healthy life choices, we must give ourselves the space. A different way to look at something or way forward is not about the coach offering their point of view. A good coach will ask questions that draw out the wisdom of the client – their values and desires. Coaching can support you in digging deeper to understand the various options and perspectives on a situation.
My Standing at the Crossroads package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover your values, needs and contribution. We explore identity, decision making and hurdles to your destination which will bring your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
If you have found benefit from reading this, please share with your friends and network.
Transformational Questions:
- How do you gain clarity?
- What brings you comfort and rest?
- How do you respond to ‘the tunnel is temporary’?
- Are you stuck in a rut?
- What could you do to explore different possibilities?
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
