Our emotional needs
Just as we need to plan for our physical needs when we set out on a journey – water, food and protective clothing – it is vital that we consider our emotional needs on our life journey. Have you ever set off walking and there is a pebble in your shoe? Or perhaps your coat is one size too small and however much you wiggle your arms, it just isn’t comfortable? You may be moving forwards and heading somewhere, but you are distracted, perhaps restless and not relaxed dealing with physical discomforts.
It is of far greater importance that we equip ourselves on our life’s journey with ‘clothing’ that really fits us and is comfortable. If we neglect our deepest needs, then we will find ourselves veering off the path of peace and alignment with what makes us feel fully alive. We will walk down a path and it will dawn on us that we are becoming more disheartened as our emotional supplies run out and our energy leaks.
Take the example of a story we have all heard – maybe even been part of. Well-meaning parents encourage their child to become a doctor because it is an honourable career and will provide what the parent values highly which is financial stability. The child wants financial stability too and values a harmonious relationship with their parents. At the beginning of the journey of study the values tank is full because the child has positive feedback from the parents and they are feeling accepted and validated and hopeful for the future.
What then begins to happen is that deeper needs start to surface. We may not be aware that this is happening at first. We are more likely to notice tension, stress, irritability or other negative emotions. As we become aware that we are not enjoying the path anymore we notice the pebble in our shoe but might not be able to name it at first. What is happening is that the values that launched the student into medicine are not enough to sustain the person in life. We need to take a full backpack of provisions along the way, not just the bare minimum. The medical student is becoming aware of her deep need to be authentic with herself and within her family. She is discovering that her chosen career doesn’t make her feel fully alive in the way that her painting does.
What about us? If we are experiencing stress, anxiety, low energy, and anger even – it is worth considering that perhaps some of our deepest needs are not being met.
“One of our deepest needs as humans is to live in congruence with our values.”
Have you taken a pause along the way to give yourself time to think about what you value? What is truly important to you? Not what you think should be important or what others deem to be important. What do you really want? If we allow ourselves space for this penetrating question and let distractions fall away – it can be a very unsettling process because we are so used to not living in congruence with our deepest needs. It is challenging. So I hear you. I think it myself too. Not everyone has the luxury of making a full choice for what we want for ourselves. We have responsibilities. We have financial pressures.
However, as anyone who sets off on a journey using a compass for navigation will tell you – the tiniest degree of change eventually will make a big difference. Small steps will lead to transforming the quality of your journey for the better. Awareness is the first step and can actually make a very big difference. It can feel like a burden lifted from our shoulders because we suddenly understand why the journey has been such a hard slog. We have been carrying a weight that is not suited to our unique journey. Would you like to carry a backpack that fits perfectly, has all that you need and really doesn’t feel heavy at all?
How do we discover what it is we truly want? We must first take into account what is important to us, how we tick, why we want what we want before ever setting off in a particular direction. We may plan our destination, set our goals, decide what we are aiming for, but if we neglect to understand WHY and whether it is truly what we WANT we will run out of fuel. This does not simply apply to our overarching life direction; we can use this principle in all the aspects of our life. Use the following questions to think about a particular area of your life to gain clarity on what is important to you.
Transformational Questions:
· What are my energy levels for this?
· How excited or enthusiastic am I?
· What am I really passionate about?
· What gives me joy?
· What do I feel positive about in my life?
· What do you consider are the energy drainers? How can I minimise these?
Once you have shed some light on your path with some answers to these questions – the next question is
· What step can I take to bring me closer to what I really want?
Over the next few months of ‘Standing at the Crossroads’ I will be looking at a particular human emotional need each month; considering what it is and why it is so important, and how it shows up when the need is not being met. Let’s together unpack our bags, get rid of what is too heavy, unnecessary or put there by other people and repack our own kit for joy, purpose and clarity!
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
