Who is on your path?
Imagine you are reaching the end of a race and there are people all along lining the route. The crowds are cheering, waving banners, smiling and clapping. You notice familiar faces. “We are so proud of you! Keep going! Look how far you have come. Nearly there!” You feel your energy surge and the final few paces come more easily to you despite your fatigue. This is like life. When we are cheered on, when we sense the support and encouragement from those whose opinions matter to us – our well-being and our performance improves. The people who are alongside us have influence to either support and boost our energy, or they can drain us with criticism and negativity. People can be our most significant resource. Do you have companions who cheer you on, offer support and contribute to the joy of the journey?
Looking back, who has been a cheerleader in your life? Who has offered support and encouragement? Reflecting on our walking companions will help us to plan the journey. Firstly, it can define who we want to spend more of our time with of those people we already know. Secondly, it will help us choose new companions according to what they can offer us to enrich our journey. There will be people who have become significant supporters not because we are on exactly the same path, but because we share values and we enjoy their company. Or there are people we have met because of the path we have chosen and they are walking a similar way.
Some people join us early in our life and they walk with us for many decades, or even our whole life. Others can be a companion for some of the journey yet often no less significant. The people we surround ourselves with makes the difference. Our companions are not just friends or colleagues but people we read and listen to. Often it is people we have never met who we allow to influence us for better or worse. We want our companions to bring us a sense of comfort and belonging. But does what they say to us bring clarity and energy? Do our journey companions serve our purpose? The people we surround ourselves with must lift us towards our higher meaning or purpose.
It is said that we become like the people we most spend time with. Unlikely sage Donny Osmond said, “Always surround yourself with people who are better than you. If you’re hanging around bad people, they’re going to start bringing you down . . . But, if you surround yourself with good people, they’re going to be pulling you up.”
What kind of person do you want to become? Then be with people like that.
Running Sideways
Or perhaps you are running the race with too much of an eye on other people? I don’t mean that we need to be so locked in to focus on the finish line, that we ignore our need for companionship or contribution. I mean people-pleasing (the fear of being disliked or rejected) can be a crippling aspect of our journey. If we are so concerned with what other people think and are afraid of their judgement, then we will stumble over decisions, or make really poor ones or try to avoid making them at all. People can go through their whole lives like this. People pleasing is something we all wrestle with to some extent. This deep human need to be accepted can keep us stuck when we let fear into the driver’s seat.
So are the people in your life cheerleaders and supporters, or do you see them more as competitors or a jury? Move towards the support and do the inner work required to stop seeing other people as waiting to judge you. Very often, the older we get the more we understand how to choose ‘our tribe’, how we will not be liked by everyone and that’s OK and that people are not as interested in our so-called mistakes as we thought they were!
When decision-making includes those we respect and trust, we can benefit from listening to other people in the process of forming a conclusion. Do they want the best for me? Are they free of their own agenda in their advice to me? Do they understand and support what is important to me?
Coaching provides the opportunity to dig into who are we really listening to. Am I following my own heart? What do I really want? Is this goal something I want or have I adapted it from someone else? The benefits of coaching here, means that you can explore what it is you really want, rather than what you think you or others want for your life.
My Standing at the Crossroads coaching package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover elements of good decision making and recognise hurdles to your destination. Coaching can bring your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
If you have found benefit from reading this, please share with your friends and network.
Transformational Questions:
- Make a list of those who are FOR me in my life.
- What step can I take to increase their influence?
- To what extent does people-pleasing affect me?
- What one thing can I do this week to be a good companion?
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
