Why decisions are difficult
- You are standing at a crossroads. You are deciding which way to go. You notice your thoughts flick around and offer suggestions, benefits, warnings and even opposing views as you try to come to a decision.
- What is actually happening is that your values are speaking to you. Our values are simply what is important to us. And sometimes these values are in direct conflict with one another. And that is why we struggle with decision making at times.
- The concept of how internal voices, motives, and perspectives influence decision-making is coined by German psychologist Friedemann Schulz von Thun as Inner Team. He proposes that each person hosts a set of inner voices—like members of a team—each with distinct opinions, emotions, and goals.
- When facing decisions, these inner team members express conflicting priorities, shaping the internal dialogue that leads to action or hesitation. That’s the experience of going back and forth in our heads, trying to reach a consensus. Let’s dig deeper into the concept and get to know these team members.
The Inner Team that makes your decisions
- The inner team framework views the self not as a single, unified entity, but as a group of personalities that each hold a part of the truth. For example, one inner voice may prioritize safety and predictability, while another urges exploration and growth. Both carry legitimate concerns, but their conflict creates inner tension, leading to indecision or regret.
- Common examples of inner team members include the Inner Critic, the Dreamer, the Caretaker, the Realist, the Innovator, and the Doubter. Each arises from past experiences, personality traits, and learned social roles. The Inner Critic, for instance, tries to protect us from failure or shame by pointing out potential mistakes. Its intention may be good, but its tone can be discouraging. The Dreamer, on the other hand, envisions possibilities and motivates risk-taking. When these characters clash without direction, the result may be inner turmoil—hesitating too long, self-doubt, or acting impulsively without full reflection.
How to harness the team members
- One member might dominate the conversation. Someone ruled by the People Pleaser, for example, might constantly make choices to satisfy others, ignoring personal boundaries. Another person, overpowered by the Inner Rebel, might reject all external input out of pride or defensiveness. Both extremes distort perception and lead to unwise decisions. The goal is not to silence or eliminate any voice but to consciously listen to each member and Self acts as a team leader who listens, values, and coordinates the voices constructively. Effective decision-making depends on how well you allow these inner voices to communicate.
- Acting as a good leader involves identifying which team members are present and what they need. Suppose you face a major career decision. Your Inner Realist says the current job offers security, while your Inner Adventurer longs for something more meaningful. If you suppress any of these members, you risk resistance or post-decision anxiety. But if you listen to them, observe their motives, and weigh their input respectfully, you can reach a more balanced decision—one that aligns logic, emotion, and intuition.
Which team members are really on your side?
- An important aspect of managing the inner team is distinguishing between authentic inner voices and those shaped by external influences. We carry the internalized voices of parents, teachers, or cultural expectations. The Inner Perfectionist, for example, may echo messages of childhood pressure when in reality that pressure is no longer there. You can learn to identify which voices genuinely represent your current values and which are inherited. This discernment ensures that decisions arise from your true self, not from borrowed standards.
- When two strong voices disagree, they often reveal the tension between our emotional needs such as stability and change, caution and courage, comfort and growth. It is very human to want two different things at the same time! Asking clarifying questions and listening well to each team member to draw out their key point leads to wiser, more sustainable decisions, because it respects the full complexity of your inner world.
Call a transformational team meeting!
- Invite your inner team to a “team meeting.” Write down what each member says, noticing tone and emotion.
- Questions to ask: What is this team member aiming to do? Is this team member reflecting my true values or external forces? Which team members especially need to find a compromise?
- You may find that once the voices feel heard, their intensity decreases, and a natural consensus emerges. When you have a coordinated agreement of your inner voices, the result is a sense of harmony and confidence. When a decision leaves lingering unease, it often means an inner team member has been overlooked or silenced.
Our choices reflect an internal negotiation of values, fears, and desires. The more consciously this negotiation is guided, the more authentic and confident the resulting decision becomes. So back you go to the crossroads and having had an “Inner Team Meeting”, you can move forwards alert to the natural push and pull of your value system with greater confidence that you have made a considered decision.
My Standing at the Crossroads coaching package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover essential elements of decision making. I offer the support and framework you need to consider all aspects of a decision resulting in clarity and confidence. Crossroads Coaching brings your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
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If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
