Decisions, decisions…
In recent years, my journey has included so many decisions that instead of one big crossroads, it has felt more like I’m spinning around an enormous roundabout with countless prospects, possibilities and processes. I was bombarded by choices coming thick and fast. Each decision leading to another and then another and another. As a result of taking one step, another junction appears, then another path appears and very soon it’s a labyrinth of confusion. Mind and heart battle it out. What do I want? What am I told that I want? What do others want? What do others want me to want? When decisions weigh heavy and the emotional cost is high then the result of all this can be exhaustion and depletion. Going through a divorce was something that brought countless decisions – some that were agonised over through many sleepless nights. Others were intuitive and I didn’t have to process for too long.
Have you ever felt bombarded by outside forces that keep coming and decisions need to be made? It’s hard to make decisions when there are multiple layers of emotion and thinking. Head and heart are not always in alignment. Decisions come with a variety of motivations, fears, values, questions, and tipping points.
I have found that while there is so much involved in making a wise choice, there is a way of making the decision process simpler. If you imagine standing at the crossroads of your decision, and you look along the path, what factors are involved in you choosing to take one path and not another? Why go one way and not the other? Part of making a good decision is being alert to all the components of the decision rather than rushing. Standing at the crossroads, pause, breathe, consider, ponder, and take time. We must have confidence in the path we are taking. So how do you have confidence in your decisions?
The Path of Purpose.
The tectonic plates of my life were shifting and many aspects were changing. It took time, but I discovered that standing at the crossroads of monumental change offered many positive opportunities. Yes, it was scary. Yes, at times I felt isolated. Yes, there was new space to fill. Ah! With gentle steps, I began to realise that the space ahead of me could be filled with new horizons, discovered values and deeper alignment with purpose. The space could be one of exciting invitation, rather than threat. I was learning that how I think about the unknown is a major factor in how I welcome the unknown with courage, or resist the unknown by letting fear paralyse me.
One of the hard lessons of major life change is that we can suddenly wake up to the fact that we have been living out of kilter with what we truly want, are truly good at and what truly matters to us. As I stood at the crossroads and considered the paths, I realised that the pause was a gift and that here was an opportunity to dig deep and discover a path that would bring joy, purpose and meaning to me, and bring beneficial contribution to others. My own experience of having confidence in walking along my chosen path at the biggest crossroads of my life has been finding my ikigai.
Ikigai is the Japanese word for ‘purpose in life’. It is what brings you meaning and joy. It contains the following four aspects 1) Passion – that which you love 2) Mission – that which the world needs 3) Profession – that which you can be paid for 4) Vocation – that which you are good at. When these four come together in your chosen path, then you have found your ikigai.
What do you love? What are you passionate about? What are you good at? What do you have to offer that the world needs? Ikigai is not only about us finding our joy and doing something we are passionate about. I could be passionate about collecting coloured buttons, but I’m not sure how much good to my fellow humans that would be! As we are wired for community and contribution, then finding our purpose also invites us to connect with what others need too. The world needs your unique contribution and the magic happens when all of these aspects meet and that is your ikigai.
Intrigued? Take a piece of paper and make four columns. Put these four questions at the top of the four columns. What do I love? What am I good at? What does the world need? What profession or job includes this? For me, I love connecting with purpose and meaning. The world needs to be connected with purpose and meaning. A coach is paid to connect people with their purpose and meaning. I am good at connecting people to purpose and meaning.
We are often so busy doing what we do, fulfilling expectations of others, or fulfilling what we think others think we should do (argghh!) that we can spend decades slogging uphill in the rain, when if we are willing to give ourselves a few hours of our lives to the transformational pause of the crossroads experience and discover our ikigai, we will discover ourselves on a beautiful, rewarding path in the sunshine. Not that it is all plain sailing (keeping you on your toes with all the mixed metaphors!) but it is deeply satisfying and worth every step when you walk in the right direction.
Find out more here –
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
