Who you are informs your choices
As far back as I can remember I have felt an inner resistance when asked the classic introduction question “And what do you do?” An internal regulator was telling me I am more than what I do and I do not want to be defined by it. Something about being labelled and put in a pigeon hole that unsettles our expansive souls.
And yet when we are making practical decisions, what we do becomes very important. If only there was some way to help us make decisions about what to do…
Imagine coming to a crossroads on your path. The paths ahead are similar and there is no immediate obvious reason to pick one over the other. If we make decisions seeking reassurance from the path itself, we can be tempted to ask is it smooth/easy/can I see far? If we make the decision based on the type of person we are – our identity – then we will ask questions about ourselves first and foremost, and not the path.
When the decision is made based on YOU, your identity propels you forward into territory that fits. The qualities, beliefs, personality, culture and experiences that make our identity unique can define which direction we go in. Know who you are and then the process of deciding which way to go becomes quicker, simpler and authentic.
Identity is definitive in how I engage with life and make decisions, because the most powerful force in human character is the need to be consistent with the sense of who I am.
Who we are shapes what we choose, how we respond, and what we create. Action is the evidence of who we are.
Back to the crossroads – identity acts like an internal compass.
- It influences decisions before we consciously reason them out
- It shapes habits more strongly than rules or goals
- It determines what feels natural versus forced
A kind person does not try to be kind in every moment. Kindness shows up automatically—in tone, timing, and attention. So understanding who we are reduces the friction of a difficult decision. It takes less energy to take an authentic action and when it is difficult, that can be a signal of a mismatch between action and identity.
I do what I am
This perspective also brings responsibility. If actions come from identity, then we can look at patterns of behaviour – good or bad – to understand our deepest desires, values and beliefs.
- Repeated choices reveal underlying beliefs
- Persistent conflicts reflect unresolved identity tensions
- Growth requires self-examination, not just strategy
The traveller is the destination
Therefore the biggest question we can ask ourselves in a decision is not What should I do next? But ask Who am I becoming?
We will then base our actions on who we are and want to be, rather than become what we do.
Identity evolves through:
- Values we consciously choose
- Stories we tell ourselves about who we are
- Standards we refuse to compromise
A person who sees themselves as healthy moves differently. A person who identifies as honest speaks differently. Action becomes a byproduct of self-definition.
There is also freedom in this idea.
When you act from identity:
- You need less external validation
- You rely less on willpower
- You experience greater internal coherence
Life feels less like constant self-correction and more like self-expression.
When you know who you are, what you do stops being a struggle and starts being a reflection.
So back at the crossroads, the moment of decision – the next step is a natural, unforced flow forward expressing who you are in your deepest values.
Transformational Questions:
- Create your own identity statement “I am…
- What fits with your heart?
- What do you love to do?
- What do you love to see in others?
- What do you want to be known for?
My Standing at the Crossroads coaching package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover elements of change and transition and recognise hurdles to your destination. I offer the support and framework you need to consider all aspects of a decision resulting in clarity and confidence. Crossroads Coaching brings your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
If you have found benefit from reading this, please share with your friends and network.
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
