Taking your Time
Imagine that you have a decision on your mind. Think of a cartoon where the person is standing, arms folded, with a pensive expression looking up as thought bubbles pop into view more and more. “What about this?” “How about this?” “I must consider this.” “And this…and this….and that.” “What will so-and-so think?” “And I mustn’t forget that..”
Standing at the Crossroads of a decision can feel overwhelming. There can be many conflicting perspectives, reasons for choices, possible outcomes and swirling emotions. We often want to make a quick decision to avoid the pain of the in-between. “I just want to make a decision” people say so that they can return to a state of calm and certainty. ‘Feeling up in the air’ is not a comfortable feeling because it is the opposite of the popular modern phrase of ‘being grounded’. We feel out of control, perhaps fearful of what might happen and we long to get our feet back on the ground to safety and what is known.
In wanting to make a quick decision, we can be our own worst enemies and we are vulnerable to making a poor decision for the wrong reasons. For long- term peace and making a better decision, we must resist the urge to get it all over and done with, and be open to the process taking more time. We must hold ourselves in the awkward space of taking a bird’s eye view of all the different aspects. This will give us the tools we need to move forward with more confidence and clarity.
Now comes the reason for calling this blog Use a Parachute (in case you were wondering). To expand the previous metaphor of ‘feeling up in the air’- because some aspects of a decision make us feel out of control – if we compare making a major decision with jumping out of a plane, I would suggest that the bigger the parachute, the better the decision-making process.
The bigger the parachute the slower the descent. This benefits us in several ways. We can take more time to explore the landscape. This could mean simply that we enjoy the view and the process is pleasant. It also means that we observe more so we take more into consideration, which will improve our decision. Going at a slower pace will bring a calmer atmosphere – again a benefit of better decision making. And we have more time to adjust to land where we want to. In other words, better decision making involves giving ourselves the time and the space to consider all the aspects. We gather information to make a better decision. Think of the decision as all the different coloured segments of the parachute representing the various aspects – people involved, values, priorities, desired outcomes, resources available, obstacles, and action steps.
“The light is within. It is already there. Take your time to see it.” ~ Swami Satchidananda
The smaller our parachute the less scope we consider, the less time we have, the more hurried the experience and the smaller the chances are of influencing where we land. It also goes without saying that we land in such a heap that we are hurt in the process and we are in a worse state than before the decision was made. The less time we give ourselves, we find ourselves under pressure to jump out at just the right time, if we are to land in the ‘correct’ place. There is no room for error here. This approach (or non-approach) brings so much pressure so that stress levels increase as we try to navigate the pitfalls that I considered in last month’s blog post when I wrote about needing to ‘make the right decision’.
Coming in to land
Having taken our time, we do need to come into land. Gathering all the necessary information, resources, support and clarity must then be followed by action to take steps to putting the decision into practice. From a distance, the decision can feel like lots of loose ends and competing desires; a jumble of potential, confusion, excitement and fear. Getting closer to ‘the point of impact’ requires confidence in what we are doing and the ‘why’ becomes all-important. The more time we have taken, the softer our landing. The more we have considered and understood, the more we can influence the process and the more rewarding it is and the better the outcome.
“In chess you might find a good move. Then you might find a better move. But take your time. Find the best move.” ~ Joshua Waitzkin
Coaching with me will be similar to a virtual parachute glide when we take in the scenery at a pace just right for you, taking time to explore and consider, to reflect and to clarify. This will increase your confidence in your decision making because you take lots of loose ends and competing desires, and develop focus, understanding and calm as you move towards clarity.
Transformational Questions:
- What are the different colours of your parachute?
- What is important in the quality of the process to you?
- What is in the landscape of your decision?
- How is you decision making helped by you seeing from a different perspective?
- What clarity have you gained from taking your time?
My Standing at the Crossroads coaching package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover elements of good decision making and recognise hurdles to your destination. Coaching can bring your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
If you have found benefit from reading this, please share with your friends and network.
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
