A decision is like standing at a crossroads. In my coaching I use the image of a crossroads because it embodies the past, present and future. Whether small, incremental decisions or big, life-changing decisions – they have an element of each; the past is the path that has already been walked. Our habits, our biases, our blindspots, our strengths, beliefs and hurts are included in our previous experience. The present crossroads is the context of decision making, values and priorities. It is the point where our will meets our reasons for change. The future is the unknown path which holds possibilities and perhaps fear. Here we discover our motivation and why we choose to move forward or not.
A bigger, more significant decision has a lot riding on it, and because of that, we want to get it ‘right.’ Unfortunately that can be the beginning of making a bad decision. What are we basing this on? What is a ‘right’ decision? Sometimes the use of the word ‘right’ actually gets in the way of us making a good decision because if we are aiming for ‘right’ then we may never get there. Right meaning that there is a wrong choice and a right choice. Binary and straightforward. If there is one right choice there is complete certainty and utter clarity. Life’s not like that.
At a crossroads if we are determined to make the ‘right’ choice, then we may focus on the fear of getting it wrong. So you can imagine the procrastination that happens. Thoughtful, considerate people who understand their decisions may have far reaching consequences do not want to make the ‘wrong’ decision and cause unnecessary problems. What turns this into a bad decision is that we spend our time in defence mode, trying to hold the myriad of possible outcomes in our brains and go for the decision that causes the least waves or inconvenience for others. This is not always the wisest choice for us.
Another reason for fear at the crossroads is fear of the unknown. Our need for certainty is often a hidden driver in the process. It is really common that we make the decision to stay in a job or situation that wears us down, when it is apparent that a change would be beneficial. This is because there can be more comfort in the known, even if what we know is detrimental, than the discomfort of the unknown. So we either make the bad decision to remain in a difficult place or we don’t really make a decision at all.
We know what we want but that is not enough sometimes to get us moving. At the crossroads if we focus too much on the fear we will not move towards what we think will hurt us. If we focus on what we want we must understand why we want it in order to take action towards it. So how can we avoid making a bad decision and move towards thinking not of ‘getting it right’ but of making an informed, wise decision?
Let’s acknowledge that a good decision is not 100% watertight. If we are looking for this then we will always think we are making less than good decisions. Within a good decision we must recognise that there will be some internal conflict. That is why some decisions are hard to make. We have an inner team of members in our mind that want different things. That is why big decisions can have us pulled this way and that because we can want two seemingly opposing things at the same time.
If we view our decision like a see-saw we move up towards what we know we want (in spite of our misgivings) until the tipping point and then we run down the other side and feel more certain because we will then experience the benefits of taking action.
Coaching offers the choice to embrace the opportunity to discover more about ourselves and how we can respond to our fears or limiting beliefs. Blindspots can be discovered. Biases challenged. Support and encouragement offered. We can reflect on what is keeping us stuck and move forward with more assurance of a good decision.
I will spend the next few months on my ‘Standing at the Crossroads’ blog looking at the past, present and future aspects of a good decision. Next month will be further exploration of what to avoid when making decisions.
My Standing at the Crossroads coaching package provides the opportunity for you to take time to discover elements of good decision making and recognise hurdles to your destination. Coaching can bring your unique path into focus and raise your confidence in the choices you make. Do reach out to me so I can join you on your journey.
If you have found benefit from reading this, please share with your friends and network.
Transformational Questions:
- What are the benefits to you of making a ‘good’ decision rather than the ‘right’ decision?
- What is your relationship with the unknown?
- What internal conflict have you noticed in your decision making recently?
- What one step can you take towards understanding yourself more?
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
