I’m looking out of the window at the change from hot summer to late summer which has brought thunderstorms and much needed rain. I can’t help but feel that September is the New Year rather than January, simply because of the start of the new school year in England. It has been part of our collective routine for years, firstly in our own childhood and then as we shepherd our own children through the seasons. September brings new beginnings and changes. Not only new classes, new shoes, new pencil cases and new bags (remember?!) but also new excitement, new experiences and new challenges. Even as an adult, there is newness to this season as we wave goodbye to the summer. We spread out; go our separate ways, experience rest and a change of scene. Then we gather again and funnel back into our jobs, schools and communities.
Routine is often put to one side during the summer holidays, which brings many benefits in terms of rest and variety of experience, but there is a strange comfort in returning to the familiar and our routines. This time of year highlights our needs, because as humans, equally needing both variety and certainty, we notice the change of season and with it the loss of what we have enjoyed over the summer. At the same time we embrace the familiarity we enter into again, because it brings reassurance. We have enjoyed the possibilities of more spontaneity and that has satisfied our need for variety. Now as we turn to the change of the season, we settle into a routine once again even if there is newness within it – and this satisfies our need for certainty.
Maybe that’s why, even though I love the summer with the long, light evenings, eating outdoors, the ease of living when the sun is out – I do get a thrill at this time of year when we get back to the familiar. The new beginnings we experience at this time of year are not totally new without any reference to the past. The change of season highlights the need to be grateful in all circumstances, and to respect the inevitable changes that life brings.
Helpful habits
So I have been thinking about the change of gear and the move from ‘out of routine’ to ‘back to routine’. I have been thinking about the benefits of forming habits that provide a framework to my life. Over the years, I have grown in my understanding that for me, having a daily routine is a positive and necessary part of my life.
Psychologists tell us that it takes roughly 30 days to form a new habit. If our brain was a field, and our thoughts were the driving and our habits were the tractor – the process of driving the tractor over the soil for 30 days will produce ruts deep enough for the tyres of the tractor to automatically follow the furrows without the need for determined steering. In the same way, as we engage in a habit step by step, day by day, so it becomes easier and easier to incorporate into our life.
So take the example of setting the alarm because I want to get back in the habit again of getting up early at least an hour before my children so I can enjoy the quiet, gather my thoughts and spend time in my sacred space. During the holiday, the alarm was switched off. I woke up when I woke up. Part of me enjoyed the freedom. I gave myself permission to do other things. This can be healthy, useful and part of growth. Part of me missed the steadiness my morning routine brings me. It would set me up for the day, get me centred on values, intentions and bring me peace.
At the beginning of forming a new habit the distance between choosing to do something and choosing not to do something is very close. If you make a positive choice to go to the gym, there is no immediate result. And if you eat a bowl of fries instead of the salad, there is no immediate downside – but there is instant gratification. The outcome of your choice does not make a huge difference in the beginning. The results of your choices are not as apparent as the effort it takes to choose to keep going. At this stage it is tempting to stop and wonder what difference it is making. In fact, many people give up at this stage because they don’t see results and they don’t want to feel like they are wasting time.
Imagine two skaters: one represents the positive choice of setting the alarm clock. The other represents the one who chooses to not set the alarm. For the first few days, the skaters glide along beside each other. Each day, each skater continues to make their choice. Then after about 10 days the gap widens, they begin to move apart. The one who consistently sets the alarm is training the brain to expect it, they skate up. The one who doesn’t set the alarm skates down and the gap widens. After 30 days, the gap between the skaters is so wide that it is so much harder to change a negative habit when you are feeling the results of not making those positive choices. Making early positive choices to form healthy habits BEFORE YOU SEE THE BENEFITS is what will keep you skating towards the benefits in as little as 3 weeks.
I know this challenge keenly as I too often let myself be led by feelings – “I feel like I don’t want to wake up” but actually deep down, I want to be the skater who skates up, who drives the tractor even when there is no visible reward because I have faith that very soon, I will have ploughed the furrows deep enough that it becomes part of my routine again and second-nature. Will you join me?
Here are 5 powerful questions that can help us transition back into routine:
1) What am I grateful for?
2) How do I benefit from routine and positive habits?
3) What new habits do I want to begin?
4) What is my intention in setting this new habit?
5) What will I tell myself when I don’t feel like it?
Grab a notebook and give yourself some space to consider these questions.
If you would like to explore further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
