What surrounds me?
Continuing our journey on what makes up the landscape of our lives, this month I will be considering our context. When we are given the opportunity to choose our perfect day out, we pick based on what we want to surround ourselves with. Some of us are beach lovers; others go for the forest or the mountains; some prefer gardens, and still others see their perfect day as staying indoors at home surrounded by the familiar and the cosy. Some of us choose to spend the day with people, and for others a day in solitude is the ultimate gift. The point is that we are experts at choosing what is good for us. Given the chance, we want to position ourselves in a context that brings comfort, joy, sustenance and well-being. We naturally gravitate towards that which will nourish us. The challenge is to recognise what we need, and then give ourselves permission to do something about it. Let’s face it, most days we are not in our dream context. There will be aspects to our lives that we are content with, and aspects that if we had the time and support to face it we would honestly say, it needs to change. Let’s be clear, I’m not suggesting that anything less than perfection and our context will damage us. I am saying that we can influence and adapt more than we think we can to move towards a life that will offer us more peace and contentment.
We must reflect on the health of our context. What is currently positive and helpful to our journey and what do we want to change? What I mean by context could include:
Key relationships
Work environment
Home and lifestyle
Financial situation
Habits and practices
When we feel overwhelmed or out of control, then it is our context that dominates our choices, rather than us taking charge and making positive moves to influence. We have all been through seasons and valleys when outside influences (other people’s behaviour, unforeseen circumstances or illness) hold huge sway and our context feels like it conspires against us. Even in those times of testing and challenge, times of loss and grief, we can still maintain control over our choices, our responses, our words and our actions so that we can regain an element of a context that is good for us.
Key to our doing well through these trials is to understand and accept what we can change and what we cannot. The well-loved prayer ‘Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,’ is a great example of understanding that there are some parts of our context that we simply cannot change. There will be some aspects to our lives that we can go about altering, tweaking, adapting or completely transforming. The crux of the prayer is the recognition that we often need support in discerning what is possible and to seek help to make changes.
In the coaching relationship, we would sift through possibilities and options within your context. You could change the landscape. Like a farmer. Or a gardener. This takes time and patience. However, it can be an extremely rewarding experience to experience yourself growing and upskilling, and to witness the influence you can have on your surroundings. Another option would be to bring in other things that alter the backdrop. As long as they are not unhealthy distractions (“I can’t face those dirty dishes so I will simply pretend they are not there by binge-watching Netflix.”) but more a focus that will bring you greater equilibrium (“I cannot change the illness that my father struggles with but I will focus on having quality time with him every week for at least two hours.”) Another option would be to remove yourself from aspects of your context or some people even change absolutely everything (“I’m going to sell my house and travel around Australia in a camper van with my dog for the next 3 years.”)
The point is that when we take a closer look at what surrounds us we begin to see what is healthy, what is desirable, what is fixed in stone (often not much) and what is adaptable. It is scientifically proven that our environment influences us whether we want it to or not. This is why as human beings it is more productive to change our environment than to fight against it. The environment will win. Put yourself in McDonalds or put yourself in the gym….gradually the environment will work on you. It’s up to us to choose.
My Standing at the Crossroads package provides the opportunity for you to take time to think more deeply about the contexts you find yourself in. We explore where you are now in relation to where you want to be. Then guided by a greater understanding of the benefits of your vision, your motivation and energy will rise to take the necessary steps to get there. Do reach out to me so I can support you on your journey.
If you have found benefit from reading this, please share with your friends and network.
Transformational Questions:
· Choose 3 words that describe key areas of your life eg. work, family, home
· Pick one area of your life that you want to see a change in
· Picture how you really want it to look like
· What one step can you take to come closer to that picture?
· Notice your feelings. What can you learn from this?
If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com
